Leftover Larry

Sure, Larry was worried what his wife might say if she found nothing but the one half-eaten piece of pizza left in the box, but he was much more worried about her throwing it out.

Edward & the Magic Eight Ball

Edward: So I’m the one in charge?

Eight Ball: As I see it, yes.

Edward: But you have all the answers?

Eight Ball: Ask again later.

Edward: You at least have some of the answers, right?

Eight Ball: Better not tell you now.

Edward: Like is now a good time to buy Cysco stock?

Eight Ball: Cannot predict now.

Edward: Okay, how about … will a six foot supermodel love me?

Eight Ball: Concentrate and ask again.

Edward: Will a six foot supermodel love me?

Eight Ball: Don't count on it.

Edward: Will someone love me?

Eight Ball: It is certain.

Edward: Will it hurt?

Eight Ball: It is decidedly so.

Edward: Will it be worth it?

Eight Ball: Most likely.

Edward: What if it’s not.

Eight Ball: My reply is no.

Edward: No what? No it's not likely or no it's not worth it?

Eight Ball: My sources say no.

Edward: No what?

Eight Ball: Outlook not so good.

Edward: Not so good to not be worth it? Or worth it?

Eight Ball: Outlook good.

Edward: Good for me?

Eight Ball: Reply hazy, try again.

Edward: Good for me?

Eight Ball: Signs point to yes.

Edward: Like, rah rah, “good for me!” yes? Or, like, “good for me” like you’re being sarcastic, yes?

Eight Ball: Very doubtful.

Edward: So it’s not good for me?

Eight Ball: Without a doubt.

Edward: Without a doubt, it is not good for me?

Eight Ball: Yes. Yes--definitely.

Edward: Definitely not good?

Eight Ball: Outlook good.

Back-of-His-Hand Brad

Brad thought he was starting to understand a thing or two about a thing or two. But then one day, as he was washing up before dinner, he found a mysterious blemish on the back of his hand. Suddenly, Brad wondered if he’d ever really known anything at all.