No Peace

 When the act of putting pen to page feels like a shirk,

When you know in your heart it’ll take much harder work,

When the gifts that you've offered aren’t doing enough,

It’s time to work on your ways.

If your world has remained peaceful, 

Because you’ve managed to sidestep the man, 

That doesn’t mean there’s peace.

Believe

Believe, 

If you can,

In energy,

In healing,

In peace.

Even if that's hard,

I'll believe in you.

Don't Dawdle

Lost my buddy yesterday,
Today is quite a day,
Happy to see it,
Wish he could too.

But now…

Immediately so,

He’s just a memory.

If a man leaves a mark, though,

Deep down in my being,

A change upon my soul,

Then his mark beats on,

With me as I go. 

So today, I’ll gaze upon this day with some of his perspective, too.

I’ll be brave enough for two.

Do my best to stir another buddy’s soul anew.

Evermore

Beneath the droning planes,

Beached before the tides,

A lone perhaps lonely drummer,

Keeps time,

As the ancient ones before her,

Mallet after mallet,

Skin upon skin,

Beats on into the noise.

Why, the wonders wonder,

Does she beat on just for her?

To keep her heart pounding forward,

Her movement time may cure?

Or does she hammer on for the rest of us,

Without mastery of time,

For whom the ocean keeps,

A lone steady beat,

Ancient evermore?  

Analyst Alan

Garbonzo Ron

Garbonzo Ron, 

Tried to keep it turned on,

But sometimes he had trouble seeing the light.

Thankfully, glory was but a spark away.

 

Bad Day Bob

 

No-Longer-Stuck Steve

That Funky Stuff...

 

Six Labs Admiring Picasso in Daley Center

This museum-quality print was created from a 60” x 40” acrylic on canvas commissioned by my dear friend Jay, to honor his gone-too-soon brother, Stevie, a lover of Chicago, City Hall, and Jay’s six faithful labs, specifically painted for the walls at the Ronald McDonald House in Los Angeles. 

For those of you familiar with Chicago, you probably recognize most of the landmarks within, including the centerpiece of the painting, The Picasso sculpture prominently situated in the middle of Daley Plaza, where City Hall is located. As a kid born and reared in Chicago (we soon moved to Colorado when I was 6), one of my first memories is of playing on Picasso’s giant sculpture. 

I dreamily recall being enamored with not just its seemingly familiar alieness, but also its massive slide, which made that spectacular form awesomely functional as well. As such, it was a welcoming early entry into the world of art that I now try to spend most of my time in. Hopefully that spirit of whimsical accessibility is conveyed in my own homage; certainly the labs surrounding the statue are filled with amused enchantment. 

Granted, I couldn’t figure out how to extend a functional slide out of the painting, but hopefully it will help to extend a little moment of joy to anyone staying at the  Ronald McDonald House in L.A., a brief respite from the most difficult of fights. To be sure, it’s a small respite, but it’s something, and that’s something. And with every print sold, that something grows. So head to adpock.shop to help spread a little joy, and hopefully receive some too! 

If Pigs Can Fly

The piece above was made with love and healing vibes for the kids and families that stay at the Ronald McDonald House in Los Angeles, so they can have something joyful to look at, and hopefully be inspired to believe that if pigs can fly, then they can get better.

As a middle aged man, I wouldn’t want to jinx my future self by saying the painting this print is based on is my masterpiece, but it’s certainly the best I’ve done yet. Granted, with all the time, energy, and love I put into it, I’d be pretty upset if it wasn’t.

The funny thing is, the painting wasn’t even my idea in the first place. My dear friend Kerri was talking with her rad Uncle Jay about what to do for his amazing wife Melanie’s big birthday, and they came up with the idea to create some art for the newly remodeled Ronald McDonald House, which Jay and Melanie hugely support. And since there wasn’t enough art on the walls, that seemed like a good place to start.

Not sure if I’m Kerri’s only artist friend, but I’m definitely her oldest, so she convinced Jay I was the man for the job. Now she just had to convince me I was capable of taking all the animals I’d been creating separately and putting them together into one big piece. 

Which now seems like a great idea -- with sea creatures, land creatures, and sky creatures (including one soaring pig) all taking their proper places in the 6’ x 6’ triptych -- but at first I was quite daunted by the prospect. See, I’m not a trained painter, and had never worked on anything so big. Heck, I still feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants everytime I start a project (though I do have some weird innate confidence in the fanciness of said pants). 

So flying was apparently always a theme. And I have drawn a lot of birds in my life. And pigs flying are on the first and last page of my MFA thesis script (which has since morphed into a novella, if you’re interested in publishing it). So perhaps this piece was waiting for me to paint it all along?

However it unfolded, I’m extraordinarily grateful for the opportunity, and for the faith that Kerri and Jay had in me to see it through, especially since I had so many doubts myself. In the end though, it was thinking of those kids that forced me to overcome those doubts. Every step of the way I was motivated by them, fighting for their lives, while hoping that my spirit could help in the smallest way to aid them in that fight. That’s why I’m sure it’s the best thing I’ve done yet, because I didn’t do it alone. 

With Kerri and Jay's prodding and help, I had a run of 20 beautiful prints made from the piece, the first professional prints made from my work (which was a whole ‘nother learning curve). If you'd like one, you could also aid in that fight, as a portion of each print sold at adpock.shop goes to the Ronald McDonald House Charities. 

Anchored Alan

Would that he could, but Alan could not. The world just felt too heavy to move. An anchor. A man of the world, perhaps once, now sunken by it.

Would that he could get up, but Alan had enough of rising. Enough fighting. Enough difficulty. And now the path of least resistance led nowhere.

Was it just laziness? To believe nowhere and everywhere are the same place?

If he couldn’t positively imagine himself rising from the couch, how could he put such an optimistic spin on his current, nowhere yet everywhere state? Who did he think he was? Buddha? 

Even Buddha created his own happiness, his own rationalizations. Nirvana is but a state of mind after all.

But how practical is nirvana, given his current state of blasé? He really just wants to have fun. Which can only be done if everyone around him is having fun. Can fun even be if no one's around to have it? 

Not like that. Would that Alan could live in that moment…

But it doesn’t last. It never has. A necessary law of nature?

Alan supposed nirvana superseded that law.

So maybe that’s what he’s really seeking after all?

But to find as much, he’s probably going to have to rise.

All lives don't matter yet

If you can't see that Black lives matter,

While screaming that all lives do,

Then you are looking away.

Whether from a place

Of privileged ignorance,

Or racial hatred,

You are still missing

What's right before your eyes:

America wasn't created equal,

And its Revolution won't be won until it is.

Rage

I'm no good with anger.

I rage, to be sure.

But I look away.

Privileged, 

To have always done so.

Now I'm forced to glare.

To rage against the machine. 

To stare at its hypocrisy 

And my complacency,

To know even this rage, 

Is kept safely within,

As the people scream past my window.

But I see you.

You beautiful faces,

A shimmering sea of unique,

Raging for the light,

Giving all of us hope,

That if we stare it down,

No more looking away,

And see what must be done,

Finally do that hard work,

Topple the systems and symbols,

That fuel this hate,

Then rage too shall pass.

Don't Mess With Moms, Be They Humpback or Jewish

Since Mother's Day, I've been drawing and redrawing the above image. I was initially trying to think of a card to create for my most fierce and loving of mothers — as I've done mama-duck-and-duckling and mama-bear-and-cub cards in the past. In trying to dream up a new mother/baby animal image, I first and foremost recalled the incredible display of mothering I witnessed a few weeks back in the Dolphin Reef movie on Disney+ (which is about so much more than dolphins). 

In particular, there's a scene where a mama humpback whale and her calf are attacked by a pod of orcas in the open ocean. To stave off the assailants from eating her calf, Mama throws her baby on her back as she battles multiple attackers, all while crying out across the depths of the ocean for help.

Eventually help comes, as her new boyfriend/champion leads a pod of male humpbacks to her side, and the orcas are forcefully compelled to swim away. And both mama and calf live to tell the tale, with Disney's storytelling help, no less. 

In a way, it reminds me of that time in 7th grade when my mom tore Chad's mom, Brett's mom, and Todd's mom a new one when they tried to pin the hot tub party/spin-the-bottle game on me. I mean, sure it was my idea, but it happened at Brett's house, so wtf? Well, those ladies had no response.

Point being, don't mess with moms! Especially not mine, nor any humpback calves'.

Go for a Swim

Medicinal Mike

Mike actively convinced himself of his own happiness.

Say 'Der'

Passover is not nearly as much fun in isolation. I heard people are doing virtual seders, but honestly, I'm just barely hanging onto being a Jew when it's convenient, so that seems like a big ask.

No, we'll just skip it this year I guess, and look forward to going over to our lovely, generous friends Kerri and John's place, like we always do, as was this year's initial plan; indeed, the matzoh ball soup above was meant to be the evite art for the affair.

Yes, our friends put on quite the fiesta... for a seder. We say a few prayers, tell old stories, and celebrate life with a ton of delicious food and amazing wines — at least four glasses worth, as the good book commands.

Really though, without friends and family, the story's kind of stale, and its lessons seem pretty damn harsh. And the prayers are all nebulously connected to this God character I don't have a great relationship with at the moment. Okay, it was fading long ago, but still, my gentile wife and I didn't make last night in quarantine any different than the rest.

Today, instead of feeling hungover and desperately in need of leavened greasy bread, I just viscerally feel that lack of different, as though something fundamentally the same is missing. Without those times to look forward to, without loved ones to surround ourselves with and recount the stories that got us around the table in the first place... well, it almost makes me lose my appetite.

But we Jews know a thing or two about maintaining an appetite, and surviving plagues, as the Passover story reminds us. Thank God, as of this writing, my friends and family are still eating. Still drinking. Still sending and receiving love.

I know that not everyone can say the same, so I'll do my best to remain grateful, and realize I'm not exactly skipping any meals in isolation. That with distance, our bond shall grow stronger. And hopefully, if God and COVID-19 should see fit, we'll all celebrate together again next year, in Jerusalem, no doubt. 

Coyotes on the Wind

Heartline Like a Wolf

Look closely, and you can see the feint makings of a heartline on that there wolf above, howling away at the cycles of the moon. 

I'd forgotten all about the decorative lines adorning the Zuni fetishes that populated every corner of my mom's Southwestern art gallery, and thus our home; until my nephew and buddy both told me that the wolf is their favorite animal, when I prodded for birthday drawing inspiration. 

So I drew this guy, and as I started blowing him out in post, it just dawned on me: he may not be a fetish per se, but he definitely need's that arrow. 

Though I could surprisingly remember what the inlaid line was called, the heartline, I couldn't even vaguely recall why it adorned the Native American stone-carved animal amulets that I loved so much. I just knew it was important, particularly to the Zuni tribe.

So I googled... heartline fetish, and found this at Antique American Indian Art, llc, a gallery that's apparently been around for some 50 years:

"This arrow is called a lifeline or heartline. It begins at the mouth where breath gives life and points to the soul (spirit) where faith and inner strength preside."

Cool, right? They also have a simple yet deep primer on Zuni fetish carvings in general:

"A fetish is an object believed to have magical powers. Fetishes may be of any form or material, however, a fetish has one paramount purpose: to assist man against any real or potential problems. The problems can be those of the mind, body, or universe."

Which could pertain to times like these, when our bodies and the universe are seemingly at odds, which is certainly messing with our minds. 

I suppose we could all use a magical assist right now. So if you're reading this, I'd like to offer up the virtual fetish above as a gift to you. I hope he helps you to remember where your faith and inner strength preside, and to keep any real or potential problems at bay, at least for the duration of a smile. 

No Ears Oscar

This is Oscar, he gets a lot of crap from octopuses for being part ostrich, and a lot of crap from ostriches for being part octopus. 

But Oscar doesn't listen to 'em, because he has no ears.

Peanuts

Gene and Gertrude reflected,

on this wacky thing called life;

Acted as if rejected,

though truth ejected strife;

When the most that they could want for,

was one or two peanuts more.

Storyteller Doll

When I was like 10 or so, my mom opened a Southwestern Art gallery in Cherry Creek, an up and coming suburb of late '80s Denver. I like to kid with my mother, who doesn't really appreciate it, that as soon as she opened the gallery, that's when I stopped getting parented. 

The truth is probably closer to Mom just being ready to do something big, having parented the shit out of two boys to the point where they could be trusted to be alone... though perhaps she shouldn't have trusted us with HBO. 

Regardless, freedom was a boon for me, and it turned out my older brother and I could take care of ourselves. But while Mom frequently let us stay at home to explore the wide world of Huntington Estates, she did make us hang out at her gallery, Canyon Road, quite a bit, too — which is where arguably some of her longest lasting parenting lessons took root.

But at first, that's exactly what it felt like: being made to do something. That probably stems from the fact that the first time my brother and I were put to work it was underneath her office desk in the back, so no customers would see her 10- and 12-year-old boys licking stamps and applying them to her thousands of newsletters. Not because people would object to seeing such nice boys subjected to such arduous child labor, no, it just wouldn't be proper to have children in the gallery. (Proper being a parenting concept we'd revisit regularly.)

Not sure how long after that it was until my mom fired me for the first time. Or the second. Or the third. But she really liked to fire me. And I really liked to argue with my boss, apparently. And that was seemingly the way we conducted business all through high school. 

Looking back though, from the perspective of who I am now, particularly what kind of artist I seem to be, it's clear that mom's store had quite an effect on me. Perhaps I wasn't particularly suited to the business side of the gallery, but I had an eye from an early age, which my mom nurtured, and would learn to trust. As would I, somewhere along the way.

And of course being surrounded by all that stunning art, not just at the gallery but at my home (since my dad was Mom's best customer). Perhaps even more inspiring were all the artists we'd visit on buying trips to New Mexico, some of whom would come stay at our Huntington estate when they had shows at Canyon Road (mom's gallery, named for the famous street in Santa Fe). I learned to revere the artists — some of the warmest, wisest, most in-tune, gracious, respect-commanding people I ever met. 

Like Stella Teller, a master maker of Storyteller Dolls — traditional Pueblo ceramic dolls, usually of a maternal figurine with any number of babies on her lap. As the whole family made these dolls, Stella brought two of her daughters to the show — Robin, I believe was one of them, and Mona, judging by the name signed on the doll my mom gave me for working the show, which I still have on my desk to this day...

I guess that experience stuck, because the picture up top is of a painting I did for my mother for her 75th birthday, with a little photoshop magic thrown in for prints (email me if you're interested!). Where you think I lifted that idea from? 

It just made sense, of course, given the symbolism of the Storyteller Doll, and my nostalgia for Ma's life and art lessons. But I remain daily inspired by Stella and her family, and all the artists I grew up absorbing. I'm sure some people will cry cultural appropriation, but Southwestern Art is what I know in my bones, because of the Tellers and so many others, and because of my mother. So why would I ignore sweet inspiration where I can get it? 

Free Art

My life as an artist, and as a human I suppose, has been to overthink. In an effort to not overthink the pretty pictures I've been making for the last few years whilst putting off writing, I'm going to attempt to not feel so burdened trying to add words to all my posts here. At least not today.

So, here's some of the images I've been creating in lieu of using my actual words. I know a true writer worth his salt would have had a field day during the Trump years, but I've found myself wanting to say less and less, perhaps because of how much stale prattle has filled the air.

Or maybe this is just my way of not overthinking it.

Is It Peaceful?

Something’s missing from my beach today.

The salt still tempts my nostrils, yes. Same as yesterday. The sand still stays my feet in coarse irritation.

The waves perform their tragedy, singing their dying arias, giving rise to great crescendos, only to succumb to the seashore forever. The tragedy played yesterday, it doesn’t stop today. Repeat and coda, on and on.

The seabirds run their usual races, taunting the lurking waves in their dash for beached plankton. The sailboats still sail. The joggers still jog. The trash still collects. The smokestacks still spew their poison to the heavens.

The heavens, its the heavens. So resplendent today, much more than usual. So gleaming and free and expansive. Undisturbed. The clouds seem lighter, more airy, with room to grow, no ceiling to reach. The birds unfettered, more space to roam, no limits, no obstacles. 

The planes. Where are they? What’s my beach — the closest to the airport — without the constant clamor of the world coming and going?

Is it peaceful?

The skies are calm. The bellows of engines silent. Conversations, usually interrupted every minute for a take off, every other for a landing, flow without pause, save for consternation, save for pondering.

The sky is wholly the birds and the clouds and the blue. But is it peaceful?

Replacing the planes is something else entirely. Something bigger. Something far more destructive. Something more potentially hazardous. Hate.

Hate is in the air. More natural than a bird, more common than a cloud, more human than an airplane.

But today, it’s darker than ever. Millions are crying out. Millions have been violated. Millions feel the hate. Instead of just harboring safely in our darkest bowels, it’s bubbling like a cauldron in our guts. 

We are hot inside. We are raging. Hate is in the air, as thick as the knee-deep soot and ashes and blood which cover lower Manhattan.

So now what? We boil? Yes. We rage? We must. We call for blood? We react. Our nature tells us to do so. 

Is our nature correct? It must be, no? It’s natural. All that's natural is good. All that's natural is essential. All that's natural will come forth. It’s nature. It takes its course.

But isn't it also our nature to love? To feel from the heart? My heart tells me to mourn. To weep. To reach out to my parents, my friends, my fellow man, to let them know of my love.

My gut screams for hate. And I do. For retribution. For the demise of those who endanger me. For blood. My gut is thirsty for it.

But my head is not so easily swayed. My head is smart. Calculating. My head can’t figure it out, not with precision, not like my gut and my heart. Not with such resolve. With my head, I weigh it all out. I am angry, yes. I am scared. I know my fears, though never quite laid to rest, will subside if those threatening, those terrorizing, and those fueling my fears are done away with. I know they must be stopped.

I also know, in most likelihood, the only way to remove that threat is through more violence. Blood for blood. Blood for security. Blood for well being. My mind knows that’s illogical.

How can more blood make me happy? How can more violence make me settled? How can more hate make me love again? It can’t.

So I am at an impasse. In blood for blood, there can be no solace. In love for blood, there can be no safety. In hate for hate, there can be no love.

The world is different today. I am not naive. I know the world I lived in yesterday was one based on ideals. I know the world I live in today will test those values. But can it be a world without love?

Not today. 

Today has turned to eve, the eve has brought the night, and still my roof stands. My friends are somehow accounted for. My goals remain the same. My prayers last night seemed different, but I only wished more saved. I prayed for one solitary man, who accepted other’s differences. I prayed for love to reign on high, while none bent to their knees.

But I know prayers are the ideal. I know that heaven’s not of this earth. That flags, if they must fly, will often fly half mast. 

The world is a circle first, there is no top or bottom. The gold of day, brings the black of night, and round and round it goes. Man is evil. Man is good. Man is man, and can be nothing else. Fragile to the wind, he is. Fragile to the waves. Fragile to himself. 

Perhaps in fragility, there lies the strength. Perhaps in knowing it all could pass, lies the freedom to live without. To let the winds that whip those flags shake our very foundation, take hold our mighty wings, and guide us back to our place in the clouds.

(Editors note: This piece was written Sept. 12, 2001, edited Sept. 11, 2019.) 

Flamingos & Palm Trees

I've had a thing for flamingos and palm trees since well before the two beach icons teamed up as thememates for my Bar Mitzvah, back in the late '80s. But they became a far more important part of my truth after Mom went all out bringing this blossoming Jew man's Miami Vice inspired dreams to life on the "Mony Mony" fueled dance floor of Bobby McGee's — my favorite restaurant at the time, due in equal parts to the perfectly pink prime rib and the fact that the waiters dressed up in costume. (Trust me when I tell you there's absolutely nothing like having a side of beef brought to you by Rocky himself!)

The cardboard flamingos and palm trees that turned Bobby McGee's into a pastelled wonderland would go on to serve as my own room's decorations well past the sordid event of becoming a man — though the decor was demonstrably lessened when I accidentally knocked a basketball into the neon-pink "Adam" sign that my mom had made to really put a stamp on the party. Now, looking back, I not only realize that "Don't play ball in the house" is a viable rule, but also that seeing my name in light shattered into a million pieces may have had an enduring, self-sabotaging effect. 

But I still love flamingos and palm trees.

A Boy and His Dog and Simon & Garfunkel and Extreme

Once upon a time there was a boy who sang as if God we're his ventriloquist.

But along the open road, the boy lost his heavenly voice, he couldn't even be sure where. 

One day, the boy found a dog who barked like a hurricane, like the Scorpions kind of hurricane. The rocking kind.

So the boy took the dog in. Unfortunately, the boy was homeless. 

The boy and the dog hit the street, the only home that would have them. But it bonded them tighter than any roof could, and they made themselves a home without walls. 

Though both had been self-described lone wolves before, now, neither could see the logic in that. They were a pack now, forever.

Though the boy's divine voice still escaped him, he felt the air in his lungs getting stronger with each pack-spent day. Until one day, out of the heavenly blue, it was as if God, the puppet master of fate, reached out once again and put his hand up the boy's butt. And the spirit so powerfully moved the boy, he became compelled to sing gleefully to the wind. 

Upon hearing his master's soulful song, the dog joined in too, with a sublime ear for harmony, and just the slightest hint of a German accent.

The dog and the boy came together, and their voices took flight. By listening to each other, as pack members, they easily became one harmonious whole. They started a duet, loosely influenced by Simon & Garfunkel and Extreme. 

Like heaven and hell never parted, together, the boy and the dog created harmony so expansive it floated upon the wind of change, and the wings of angels, for all the world to hear.    

Serial Monogamy

Monogamy worked for Sue and Lee,

They didn't promise it would always be,

But with weather being so darn cold lately,

It just made sense to snuggle, freely or not. 

Kong

Once upon a time, 

There was a gorilla named Kong,

As big, 

And strong,

And long,

As the lingering note of a well struck gong.

Still, Kong was forced to leave his home,

By the rarest royal of all, man.

Bound, literally, for a new land,

Pushed until they forced his hand,

To make him something far more grand...

A king.

Jean-Luc Giraffe

Jean-Luc Giraffe made a helluva gaffe, 

Way back when, 

When he wrecked his whole life.

Why couldn't he have just been happy for Geoffrey?

Why couldn't he have just shaken his brother's hoof,

Said, "Nice job! 

Way to make kids happy!"

He was the alpha. 
The pride of the family.

But it didn't matter.

Did it really matter now?

A giraffe has to save his own neck.

But whoa to be part of the tower,

Basking in the cool shade of Acacia,

The irreplaceable warmth of family.

Take Solace, Take Flight

What a heavy weight

this world might seem

if seen from down below

where loud obnoxious air depletes

the sublime brevity of breath.

Are you loved?

Are you hungry?

Are you home?

A weight impossible to haul.

Let it go

unbound it so.

Unfettered by such chains

let thine load be laughed

upon from on high.

A knowing wink

may meet your eye,

take solace

take flight!

The View

Hope is born of what may never exist,

Deluding till the end.

Why bother with the way things are,

When you can make believe belief?

Not a crack above of rolling thunder,

No need for the shelter of truth,

Clouds may part before or after,

May as well enjoy the view.

Oliver Owl had a great night

Oliver Owl was super tired last night. But his hair looked incredible, and he was nocturnal, so he went out.

Your Grace

It’s only been a couple of weeks now

Since you said goodbye

But you just don’t seem gone yet

Even though i keep crying

Everywhere i see your face

Everyplace feel your embrace

I wonder how i could have kept you

Though I know that’s a lie

Maybe with your heavenly new view

You can finally fly.

But I’ll never forget your face

The mark you make upon this place

What you created in this house

The foundation and walls

Stand firmer now than ever

Even after you're gone

The dust of you leaves but a trace

Yet we’re all filled by by your grace

After all

All is all.

My Buddy Buddy

My buddy Buddy's been getting a lot of attention lately,

Ever since our boy became his late brother,

He's become much sweeter.

Or maybe I just didn't give him the attention he so needed.

As I lavished it on my boy,

Who needed it more. 

Needed me.

But he's gone,

And I really need my Buddy.

Miraculously,

He's right here,

Staring me in the eye,

Taking me in.

Hold Us Up

Bass lines never lie.

Heavenly bodies know,

Heavenly tones don’t go undetected

Though they often go unheard.

Forget bowing your ear to listen, though,

You’ll simply never hear.

Just close your eyes to see

It’s all happening right here.

Right there, so close…

Just don’t reach

Or you’ll never touch.

Such elusive frequencies,

Why must we know so much?

Can’t we feel our way through?

Isn’t it easier to bounce?

We’re just floating anyways.

Such blessed tones
All's light in all,

Effervescent to the touch

Yet heavy enough to somehow hold us up.