November 18, 2012

Denial is For the Birds

I’m not very good at denying myself things; I can’t say no to any of my myriad compulsions. I’m a slave to them.

While it’s a close race, my most powerful of cravings is my need for Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie. If the idea sneaks into my mind, the idea must be eaten.

Maybe because I can’t see the point. Why shouldn’t I have what I want? Why should I try to deny myself what my base instincts so desire? What’s wrong with pleasure? I believe in pleasure.

However,  thanks to my Hebrew upbringing, I also believe in guilt. And where there’s guilt, there can be no pleasure.

So, in defiance of my upbringing, and to see if I could deny myself something – anything – I decided to give up ice cream for lent.

I almost made it too.

The Wednesday before Easter Sunday, I caved. And it wasn’t like I was so craving Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie that I couldn’t live one more hour without it, it was that I couldn’t remember why I was trying to deny myself the stuff in the first place.

Denial is for the birds. What’s the point? Why not live my life as it’s meant to be? Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard the arguments. Rise above your beastly nature and let your civility rule you. But that’s crap. Who’s to say our natural selves aren’t as moral as our civilized selves?

I don’t believe it for a second. But fortunately, I have guilt to keep me from doing anything really stupid.