AdPock

Sure, Larry was worried what his wife might say if she found nothing but the one half-eaten piece of pizza left in the box, but he was much more worried about her throwing it out.

Edward : So I’m the one in charge? Eight Ball : As I see it, yes. Edward : But you have all the answers? Eight Bal l: Ask again later. Edward : You at least have some of the answers, right? Eight Ball : Better not tell you now. Edward : Like is now a good time to buy Cysco stock? Eight Ball : Cannot predict now. Edward : Okay, how about … will a six foot supermodel love me? Eight Ball : Concentrate and ask again. Edward : Will a six foot supermodel love me? Eight Ball : Don't count on it. Edward : Will someone love me? Eight Ball : It is certain. Edward : Will it hurt? Eight Ball : It is decidedly so. Edward : Will it be worth it? Eight Ball : Most likely. Edward : What if it’s not. Eight Ball : My reply is no. Edward : No what? No it's not likely or no it's not worth it? Eight Ball : My sources say no. Edward : No what? Eight Ball : Outlook not so good. Edward : Not so good to not be worth it? Or worth it? Eight Ball : Out...

Brad thought he was starting to understand a thing or two about a thing or two. But then one day, as he was washing up before dinner, he found a mysterious blemish on the back of his hand. Suddenly, Brad wondered if he’d ever really known anything at all.

Now that Art's Pop 2000 cattle prod had arrived, he was finally ready to shock the world.

Yesterday, by all accounts, had all the makings of a beautiful day. My wife finally had a Sunday off. The weather was supposed to be perfect. And the most happening street fair, The Abbot Kinney Festival, was taking place one town over. Alas, it was a Sunday. And not only were the Denver Broncos playing, but the Colorado Rockies were facing a must win. I had been greatly disappointed by both teams in the past. And I have struggled with my fanatical allegiance to Denver sports as the most silly and uncontrollable of my addictions. But, I had become fed up living for the hopes and dreams of other, stronger men. So on Thursday, after the Broncos lost another running back to a pulled hamstring, I agreed to skip watching the game to go to the fair with said wife.  However, when it came time to getting off the couch and foraging into the sunlight, I could not shake the fact that my teams needed me. How could I expect them to fight, if I was not there in the trenches with them? Fortu...

Ned looked in the mirror and flinched. Again, he thought he was getting pulled over. That was when Ned decided to shave his mustache.

As Cameron watched his third football game of the day, he began to feel a bit lethargic. But then he remembered how very important all the games were.

Joey Bags had okay hair all his life. Then one day, he up and died! At his funeral, the lady in charge of making Joey presentable accidentally parted his hair on the wrong side. Everyone thought Joey looked much better.

One chick, two chick Black chick, Jew chick That one looks good in a car That one looks good from a far That one’s got some funky hair That one’s skin is freckled fair I like em when they pump their gas I like em when they shake their ass I like em when they jam on bass I like em when they’re in your face Three chick four chick Good chick, whore chick That one jiggles when she runs That one seems a slave to sun But five chick six chick I start to learn Of the good chicks I dig For whom I yearn For whom I live For whom I give. And then comes seven-chick. Turns out she's the one.

Frank wasn’t particularly pleased with his new shampoo/conditioner; it just didn't give his hair the proper texture.  But though he knew it would be a long, unsatisfying road, Frank pledged to use up the whole tube before he bought a more luxury brand.

As he mopped the floor, Brad wondered if he would rather sneeze while driving or peeing.

Andy was really hungry. Not really hungry, really. Not like anyone who watched LiveAid back in ‘85 would consider really hungry. But still, really hungry for Andy. A while later, Andy pulled into the first McDonalds he saw. Well, the first one on his right.

At last count, on Saturday, Sid had exactly 43 different species of plants on his balcony. Sid didn't know any of their names, Latin or otherwise.

As Tom peed, he realized she was right there in the other room, there beyond that wall. There alone, waiting for him to make a move. He peed with vigor after that, because vigor was all he had with her.

Redhead Ed read a headline that said: “Salt Only Bad for Some People”. Redhead Ed automatically assumed he was not one of those people. A while later, he went down to the snack truck and bought a bag of Ruffles.

Jan McTan takes her baby, Dan, to the coffee shop, at precisely three each weekday, to meet her Mommy Coffee Group. Dan and the other coffee babies aren't even big enough to get out of their buggies yet. Or maybe they’re just not allowed out. The Coffee Mommies sit there and drink complex coffee drinks. Chit-chatting away, while the babies stare up at the ceiling. To Dan, the world appears a scary place, until a random coffee shop weirdo puts his dreadlocks over the stroller and babababababaaahhhhhs.

Rosarita was a hot senorita, A hot senorita indeed. I met her at a Christmas party. I asked her if she'd dance with me. I asked her nice, I even said please. But Rosarita didn’t want to dance with me. She said she was a lesbian bisexual identified in the same sentence she told me she was from Topeka .