AdPock

 

Would that he could, but Alan could not. The world just felt too heavy to move. An anchor. A man of the world, perhaps once, now sunken by it. Would that he could get up, but Alan had enough of rising. Enough fighting. Enough difficulty. And now the path of least resistance led nowhere. Was it just laziness? To believe nowhere and everywhere are the same place? If he couldn’t positively imagine himself rising from the couch, how could he put such an optimistic spin on his current, nowhere yet everywhere state? Who did he think he was? Buddha?  Even Buddha created his own happiness, his own rationalizations. Nirvana is but a state of mind after all. But how practical is nirvana, given his current state of blasé? He really just wants to have fun. Which can only be done if everyone around him is having fun. Can fun even be if no one's around to have it?  Not like that. Would that Alan could live in that moment… But it doesn’t last. It never has. A necessary law of nature? Alan su...

Mike actively convinced himself of his own happiness.

Passover is not nearly as much fun in isolation. I heard people are doing virtual seders, but honestly, I'm just barely hanging onto being a Jew when it's convenient, so that seems like a big ask. No, we'll just skip it this year I guess, and look forward to going over to our lovely, generous friends Kerri and John's place, like we always do, as was this year's initial plan; indeed, the matzoh ball soup above was meant to be the evite art for the affair. Yes, our friends put on quite the fiesta... for a seder. We say a few prayers, tell old stories, and celebrate life with a ton of delicious food and amazing wines — at least four glasses worth, as the good book commands. Really though, without friends and family, the story's kind of stale, and its lessons seem pretty damn harsh. And the prayers are all nebulously connected to this God character I don't have a great relationship with at the moment. Okay, it was fading long ago, but still, my gentil...

Sure, Dean caught fire when he downed that flaming shot, but at least he wasn't a pansy.

Fourteen minutes into his epic percussion solo, Al realized he had to finish putting away the dishes and stop smoking weed.

When Charlie Barker was but a wee pup, his master used to tell him no.  But Charlie Barker's such a creative spirit, the universe forces him to blow.

AdPock was fairly certain that both he and his wife could live without wine. But he was 100% positive they couldn't live together without it.

60 seconds, motherfuckers. Just hang on for 60-fucking ticks. Christ, this is dick-sandwich time. Stop it. No bad thoughts. No bad juju, not now. Now is when the Fish need you most. It's now time. Hold the line. "Hold it. Right here, baby! We hold them here and it's ball game! Sweet Jesus who art in heaven, please let them hold it right here!" "Does baby Jesus root for the Dolphins too, Daddy?" asks Charlene, the yelling guy's precocious 6-year-old daughter. "Ask your mother, Char, Daddy's focusing...” The Dolphins don't hold. "Fuck!"

Matt used to be a great sleeper, until he took a philosophy class and learned he might easily be dreaming his entire existence.

Some 20 years later, that was the moment Hank realized he’d never been better at anything in his whole life than Sega Hockey '94.

Harry understood that he was the only one getting in the way of his own happiness, but he was a big scary guy with a black belt and a temper.

Ed sent Penny two stories, neither of which he actually read, yet both he knew to be true at headline level. Headline 1: Are Men Idiots Who Do Stupid Things? Study Says Yes Headline 2:  99% of All Farts Don't Smell  In Ed's ever-failing quest to reveal his true self to Penny, he hoped she would also accept these statements as truth.  Then he polished off a delicious salt shake.