AdPock

Check out the following YouTube clip of a frat boy doing a flaming shot for the camera: He’s obviously reached the point of the night where if he drinks another shot he’ll likely die. But he's got a shot in front of him, so what choice does he have?  Not only does he give it the 'ol college try, he lights it on fire first. But since he's super-saturated, he does what any good frat guy would do in that situation: he pours it all over his face -- like a man. Unfortunately, he forgot to blow out the drink first. Yeah. He burns. It’s hilarious. His face catches fire, and then, as he’s trying to pat it out, the rest of him goes up like The Human Torch. Hilarious. But what’s even better is that’s the last of this guy’s 15 seconds of fame. He used it all up. And believe me girls and boys, you don’t get 15 minutes these days. Not no more. What with the interweb and all this text messaging and what have you. People just don't have long enough attention spans. So I ...

I feel like my wife loves me a bit too much. She’s totally supportive and believes in me 100 percent, when perhaps, only 75 percent is really merited. Support is great; I’d certainly fall without it. But she shouldn’t tell me I’d be a great professional poker player, just because I tell her I’m thinking about it. Sure she’s being positive and supportive, but helpful? Probably not. Of course, she’s in a tough boat. I don’t like to be told what to do. But I’m also at a place where I don’t know what to do. So what should she do? I guess I’d rather have a girl who believes I can do anything. Now I just have to figure out how to prove her right.

I just repotted this plant I’ve had for at least five years now. When I bought her, in Chinatown, she was a real beaut, her one thick green sprout sprouting all about like it did. Five years is a personal record for me as far as plant maintenance goes. I’m pretty proud of myself, but I’m really proud of my plant. So I decided to reward her with a repotting. (An occasion both of us were previously foreign to.) Upon initial purchase, my plant was just a wee one. But after five years, three rooms, and countless neglect, she has done nothing but blossom. Where once there was one wee sprout, now there are four hearty stalks. And the new pot is really sleek. With all the newfound space, there’s something about the re-arrangement that has all the makings of an allegory, though I’m not quite sure what it is. The longest of the sprouts is the leanest. He’s also got the best view, though his space is certainly being crouched upon. I assume he’s also the oldest, though I lost track during t...

Two days ago was my best day yet. Or at least it was my blog’s best day. A buddy of mine put me in touch with this guy, Ed, who works with some other guys over at this website called  Neatorama . And they were nice enough to put the link to my blog on their Facebook  page .  Because of that, I had almost 300 hits! About 280 more than I’m used to having on any given Tuesday. Which is a pretty darn good increase, percentage-wise, but by no means viral. Or really even enough to make a penny on. I’m serious: not even one penny. But still, I was so thankful to Ed for the cyber love. Like really thankful. Like exclamation points thankful! I actually can’t remember a better day since my wedding. (It has only been 5 months, and I have a really poor memory.) Watching that stat tracker spike! Then trying to figure out where the traffic was coming from with the intensity of a movie hacker. Then finding the source to be Neatorama’s Facebook page and the 6,000 people who Like...

AdPock needed a therapist after his latest therapy session.

L ast night, George had a triumph. And it wasn’t like his life was full of those.     George had been playing online poker again. It was about midnight by the time he had lost his fifth hand in a row, all in pitiful fashion. He wasn’t good. He had to face that. Maybe not perpetually bad, but recently bad, for sure.      At such a low, George faced a choice. If he wanted a chance at financial redemption, he would have to put more money in his online poker account. Again.      In spite of his predicament, George surprised himself by his own assertiveness. Like a movie hacker, blind with focus, George swiftly and courageously dragged the online poker application into the trash! George raised his hands to the heavens. In triumph, perhaps? Perhaps supplication?      Next morning, George stared at his computer for a long time. His glory waning fast. Finally, he made himself a deal. George opened his ...

. Deborah had all her ducks in a row. Except for that pesky Jew duck.

Don loved using his Cash Back Rewards Card because it made him feel like he actually had an income .

“Goddamit! It’s my couch. I had it made. I saw it in a catalog, went to the goddamn furniture maker and had it made. I’m sorry if you thought it was yours, but it’s not! You obviously didn’t hear me correctly. It’s mine and I want it back! Okay?” “No.” “Yes, Goddamit!” “No. You gave it to us. You said if I helped you move the other couch -- the couch that you really wanted, the one-tonner which gave me a hernia -- that you’d give us this couch. Give. Not loan.” “Gimme my couch!” “You sound like a petulant child.” “It’s mine! And you… you… you’re getting married! And have a great girl who loves you and I don’t even have a date, or a prospect of a date other than a 24-year-old intern who I mistakenly… Goddamit! You have my couch!” Abe was surprised when Mary showed up at his place for the couch the next day. He thought it was just one of her outbreaks, which would pass like a spring storm. He was even more surprised she'd actually talked the intern into moving it ...

After a good twenty minutes, Pete finally realized he was caught in the midst of a vicious rinse/repeat cycle. That's when Pete knew he had to stop smoking weed before showering.

I just read a headline that said, “Study Shows People Who Drink 6 Daily Cups of Coffee Live Just as Long as People Who Don't”. As I suspected, drinking coffee is no more beneficial, or detrimental, as not drinking coffee. I didn’t read beyond the headline, of course, because my phone isn’t really set up for full articles. But neither am I really; I’m definitely more of a big picture guy than a specific fine print type. So as far as I’m concerned, this golden nugget of information about caffeine needs no further substantiation. I’ve weaned what I need from the headline alone: I need not worry about how much caffeine I drink. Case closed. One less thing. I will go on drinking coffee with the same sort of needy dependence as ever.

It’s been a while since I last wrote for GLiving. Apparently, they’ve changed their style a bit. Formerly, as an eco-blogger there, my task was to take any old green story or product and simply rattle off my witty feelings about it. But now, having been invited to write for them yet again, I find that Gliving has shifted towards a more lifestyle-oriented approach. I’ve been asked to get personal. To pick something “G”, that I am passionate about, and to actually write what I know for once, instead of just what I feel. Which I think is groovy. I love the new direction. I love that the people who write there really know what they are talking about. Unfortunately, I don’t know if I fit into this category. Sure, I know about what I feel, but what do I know about what I actually do? “G” speaking, of course.  Beyond my politics, what exactly makes me green? As I started to think about my own “G” lifestyle, specifically the parts worth writing about, nothing really came to mind. I recycle...

Bill was beginning to wonder at what point the president’s emails should become spam.

I want to be my own man. To be free. But media, Pop culture, Society, Past, Present, Future, always the fucking future, Influence us at our most dependent times. But rebelliousness and independence are two flips of the same coin.

Nick was super psyched to be in a relationship. He just didn’t have the energy to trick any more girls into sleeping with him.

Glenn was totally happy for his team, no doubt. But a wispy, melancholy part of him wished he had his own playoffs to prepare for.

Mike was really enjoying country music lately, it was great to run to. But he did worry about becoming a republican.

Jerry used to be a really great listener. Then he got married.

Sure, Larry was worried what his wife might say if she found nothing but the one half-eaten piece of pizza left in the box, but he was much more worried about her throwing it out.